Jan 28, 2008

The body, she ages.

We joined a health club recently. It has everything, including child care. No excuses. I'm going to keep track of how often I go, and amortize the monthly expense of membership, per visit. This will result in public humiliation -- in my opinion, the most effective motivation when it comes to being healthy. Okay, health, shmealth. I just want my tummy to look a bit less like hers. No offense, Gracie. On you, it's fabulous.

Jan 27, 2008

Girl stuff

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that looked just like this: boobies.
This reminded me that, having turned 40 last year, I still needed to schedule my first... wait, I'll give you a hint: it starts with an "m" and rhymes with "spammogram". When I made the appointment, the woman asked if I had implants. That made me giggle. I explained that nobody had ever asked me that before, but I don't think she was amused. Anyway, the slammogram was quick and not too bad, but someone might have warned me that the best time to have this delightful procedure is NOT when you are experiencing the joys of PMS.

Jan 25, 2008

Back in the plastic bubble, kiddo.

Cough? Check. Fever? Check. Lethargy? Check. Wait a minute -- lethargy? That's when I took her to the doctor, because the only times Grace is still are when she's sleeping or strapped into her high chair, eating. Poor little bug has pneumonia, but she's even tougher than I thought. She spent two days on the couch watching "Elmo's Potty Time" over and over, but after just a couple days on antibiotics, she's demanding to be taken to the park. (It's, like, 40°.)

I've slept on the floor with sick pets, in our barn when my horse was having her first foal and, of course, spent nights taking care of friends who had, uh, overindulged and thought it would be fun to run outside naked. (I'm not judging. More than a few friends have done the same for me.) But sleeping next to Grace Wednesday night to make sure she wasn't having "too much trouble breathing" (doctor's words) was truly terrifying.


Going...


going...


gone.

Jan 20, 2008

We've decided to keep her.

For one thing, she's sick, which I imagine reduces her resale value. Also, she's being fun today, probably because John is home and he could make her laugh if her arm were cut off and blood was squirting across the room. (That would be the funny part, get it? He'd be all, "Squirt, squirt!")



Here she is playing peek-a-boo, which still slays her.


And fun in the tub. Who could resist that smile? (I hope she's not laughing because her doll is drowning.)

Jan 19, 2008

Shopping is fun!

I don't really view shopping as recreation, at least not since my girlfriend Ella moved to Connecticut and Grace was born. (Yes, I had Grace to fill the void left by my absent friend.) But yesterday John and Matt, Maxwell's dad, took the kids to OMSI, and Maxwell's mom, Deborah, suggested we shop. My first thought was, "Shop for what?" Then I thought, "Freakin' relax, Laurel." So we wandered in and out of shops in a funky area of Mississippi Ave. for hours. I bought stuff that I didn't need, just for the fun of it. Thanks, Deb, for a lovely afternoon. Here are a few of my finds.


I like to wrap presents, and you can never have enough ribbon.


Apparently this little train is dyed with spices, as opposed to lead paint, and the lacquer comes from some sort of insect. I could have done without that last bit of info, but isn't it cute?


I think this hat looks better on Brady than on me. I vow to wear it, though.

Jan 18, 2008

This will teach her.


I wasn't going to share this picture, but as punishment for today's toddler atrocities, here it is. During our play date with Jake last weekend, note how Grace tries to EAT the wooden food while Jake cleverly uses the knife to cut things. Guess who's the genius in this pair?

Kid for sale. Cute, a little moody.


Grace is RELENTLESSLY contrary these days. She broke my spirit today. (I thought it was supposed to work the other way around.) With the exception of a thirty minute tumbling class this morning, it seemed that her agenda was to injure herself, torture Brady, hurt me and alarm ANYONE WITHIN EARSHOT. As I listened to her scream while I was in the shower, I thought, "I'm forty and she's two and a half. Why can't I outsmart her?" She's lucky she's cute at least some of the time. But check out the attitude in this photo. Seriously, is this normal?

Jan 16, 2008

So I wrote a book.

Today I got my first rejection letter from a literary agent, a woman with whom I could imagine sipping martinis in Manhattan while we discussed my next novel. It SUCKED. I'd post a picture of me crying, but I look really weird when I cry. It's a good book. Really, even my friends and my mom think so.

Jan 12, 2008

Two, and already boy crazy. Oy.

Grace has been taking an unusual interest in boys lately. She can name all the kids in her class, but she generally focuses on the boys and this week said to me, out of the blue, "I think Zander is cute." In her defense, he is a looker, but how do I explain to a two year old that looks aren't everything? We also went to her first tumbling class yesterday (which was hilarious), and she quickly zeroed in on the most adorable boy and stood staring at him the way I look at Clive Owen or Viggo Mortensen. Or Jude Law before he shagged his nanny. My point is, isn't this premature?


Today she had a play date with Jake, who has it all. He's cute, sweet and a little genius. He was her first kiss over a year ago (it was all a blur, below). Moms do this thing where they get their opposite sex kids together and try to get a picture of them kissing. I don't think it's just me and my mom friends. Right? So today we couldn't resist trying to recapture the magic. Honestly, I don't think his heart was in it, probably because she didn't want to share her two favorite toys (her shopping cart and Elmo). Or maybe he's just not that into her.

Jan 11, 2008

No picture. Almost no words.

I hope I can do this story justice, because it far and away tops the recent Target incident with Grace. One of my friends (let's call her Ms. X for the sake of anonymity) left her 3 year old son at the Playland while grocery shopping. The little boy ("J.") is in the process of potty training, and store policy is that the child must be able to communicate any bathroom needs so the mom can be called to tend to the situation. On this day, Ms. X received no call. When she went to fetch J., however, the Playland attendant informed her that J. had pooped his pants, but the TURD ROLLED OUT OF HIS PANT LEG ONTO THE FLOOR, where she was able to pick it up and dispose of it. Hence, no call. Just a lot of judgement, and, of course, embarrassment and guilt for poor Ms. X.

I will say this: I peed a little when she told me this story, and I have been potty trained for 37 years.

Jan 7, 2008

Flora


My mom has a plant that actually blooms this way. Click here, for more beautiful flower pictures she has taken.

Always sunny at Gabba & Gampa's


"How long's it been since someone cut this grass?"


"I can do WAY bigger slides, but this will have to do."

Jan 6, 2008

I like dogs


For so long, I've been trying to capture Brady's snout and lips (digitally) in an effort to explain why I force her to let me kiss her, even when she smells REALLY BAD. My mom finally got the perfect shot.


Max, too. He's special. And he's happy to kiss me anytime... (see below)


...as long as I've just applied lip balm, and no matter how greasy my hair is.

Jan 5, 2008

Holidays Part Two

(My mom takes better pictures than I do, so I should have waited for hers before I shared our holiday experience.)


Grace loved the tree once it was up, but there is no describing her meltdown while Mom and I tried to purchase it.


"Where have you been all my life?"


"Tastes better than the food Mommy tries to make me eat."


"That's what I'm talkin' about — MORE ELMO!!!"