The Fitty Pound Pittie digs deep into his psyche, instead of the backyard, and horks up some personal morsels.
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Snuggling with my humans.
What is your greatest fear?
Being left alone.
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Which living person do you most admire?
The man human. He’s the alpha. I think that means the boss.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
What does deplore mean? (dislike) Oh. Well, I guess sometimes I don’t feel so smart.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
What does deplore mean? (DISLIKE) Right. I don’t like mean dogs. Or mean people. You sound a little snippy right now, come to think of it.
What is it that you most dislike?
Being left alone. Didn’t you already ask me that?
What is your greatest extravagance?
When my humans let me snuggle in bed with them.
What do you most value in your friends?
My dog friends? (whatever) A nice smelling butt.
What is your favorite journey?
Riding in the car. Duh.
What is your most treasured possession?
My soccer ball. If I stick my nose in the hole I chewed and then breathe really hard, the little blond girl laughs and says I sound like Darth… something.
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Not eating the other dog’s food. I mean, it’s just sitting there.
On what occasion do you lie?
Huh? I lie down when I’m tired. Stupid question.
Which living person do you most despise?
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
The little blond girl. She smells nice and scratches my tummy and feeds me and lets me outside.
When and where were you happiest?
Snuggling with my humans! You keep asking me that, too.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I wish I could stop chasing cats and squirrels. The lady human says, “Fucking relax already!” but I really, really can’t help it.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
I learned the whole obstacle course in the back yard!
If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
The little blond girl would be here all the time
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Being left alone! Why do you keep asking me that?
What is your favorite occupation?
Occupation? (job) Oh. I bark when people walk past the house.
What is your most marked characteristic?
I have a big brown spot on my butt.
Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
Benji. He seems super smart, especially when he steals those sausages. Mmm, sausages. I'm hungry.
How would you like to die?
DIE??? WHA-- (never mind)
What is your motto?
Hmm. I guess it's “What about love?” You know, from that Heart song? Are we done yet? I'm super hungry.