Nov 9, 2013

I'm A Bad Addict

I recently wrote an essay on addiction. It ended up being more somber and science-y than intended, because I sometimes take myself quite seriously when writing for someone else. The gist of it, if you're not one of the few dozen people who read it, is that there is a difference between bad habits and true addictions. I am, it turns out, a failure as an addict, because rarely have I indulged in substance abuse and experienced physical dependence at the same time. I remain ambivalent about this.

So I give you a list of bad habits to which I have mistakenly considered myself addicted over the years. In no particular order of chronology, severity, or significance:
  • Diet Coke (my precious)
  • cigarettes (I'm gross. Whatever.)
  • lip balm (Is this bad?)
  • Afrin (yes, the nose spray)
  • alcohol (No comment.)
  • Bejeweled 3
  • validation (Everyone needs this, right?)
  • Vicodin (cold turkey, bitches)
  • gossip (deliciously naughty)
  • caffeine (I'm okay with this one.)
  • clonazepam (and this one...)
  • oversharing (oops)
  • X-Files reruns (I want to believe.)
  • toxic relationships (so over that shit)
  • spicy cheese grits (mmm...)
  • procrastination (It's happening right now.)
  • the internet (See above.)
I'm still working on ditching many of these. Not surprisingly, they're the ones that have been with me the longest.

On a positive note, I have some good habits to balance my failed addictions:
  • flossing (daily)
  • admitting I'm wrong (also daily)
  • napping (ditto)

Why are bad habits easier to slip into than good ones? Why don't I crave raw fruits and vegetables instead of carbs drowned in melted cheese? Why isn't exercise as tempting as, you know, not exercising?

I need adult supervision, someone following me around asking, "Does that seem like a good idea, Laurel, or a really, really bad idea?" But apparently I'm the grown up around here. I don't know how this happened.

I'm going to take a nap.


anna said...

Cheese. Give me some nice cheese and a bottle of wine and I'm one happy clam. Except I recently stopped drinking, except it's probably too soon to say that for sure, because I'm moving forward with delicate and careful steps. So for now, at least, it's just cheese. Waaaaaah.

Cameron Von St James said...

Hi Laurel! I have a quick question about your blog and was wondering if you could email me when you have a chance. Thanks so much! :)

cannon shelly said...
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cannon shelly said...
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