Nov 7, 2013

Poorly Handled Conversations With My Daughter

1.

"Mommy, do I look sexy?" She assumes a hip-thrust, arms akimbo pose.

"What?"

"Am I sexy?"

"Do you know what sexy means?"

"I don't know. Like, pretty?"

"Sort of. Do you know what sex is?"

"No."

Awkward silence.

"Then don't worry about it. You're eight. Eight-year-old girls should not look sexy."

She makes a huffing noise and walks away.


2.

"I saw a word on the bathroom wall at school."

"What was it?"

She hesitates. "I don't want to tell you."

"You tell me all the other words you see."

"It was F-A-" She starts to say "G."

"Okay! I get it!"

"Is that a swear word?"

"That's worse than a swear word. 'Bitch' is a swear word. That's a hate word."

"Hate is an ugly word." (She parrots me.)

"Yes, and hate words are worse than ugly words or swear words. If I ever hear you use that word—"

"I won't! Jeez, Mom. I was just telling you I saw it."

She walks off and I call after her, "Thanks for telling me, honey!"


3.

"What's wrong, Mommy?"

"Nothing. I just have cramps." (I'm lying in bed, moaning.)


"What are cramps?"


"I get cramps when I have my period."


"What's a period?"


"Once a month, women bleed for a few days."


"From where?"


"From our privates." She looks horrified.


"I don't ever want to get a period."


"Someday you'll want to. Trust me."


"But I won't be able to go swimming!"


"Of course you will. You can use a tampon."


"What's a tampon?"


"It's like a... oh god, can we talk about this later? Like in a few years?"


"I am never going to get a period."


She runs from the room.

4 comments:

Margaret Diehl said...

Tell her that when she gets her period, she can look sexy. That ought to make her back off for a while.

Laurel said...

Ha ha! That's perfect, Margaret!

Applecart T. said...

I might argue that "bitch" can be used as a hate word, as well. Maybe I read your dialogue incorrectly. Also, I'm not trying to comment on your parenting! : ) A friend of mine shares similar dialogue bits with me that happen between her and her kids, and I'm always glad I didn't have to try to explain things like this to kids.
And an 8-year-old won't want to know this, but "fag" used to just mean a bunch of sticks or, in Brit-speak, a cigarette.
[Found you on rolereboot.com]

Mick Kubiak said...

Hilarious!