This can't end well.

No, she didn't hurt herself. But her (my) shoes fell off and she got all frustrated. I could tell she was thinking she could easily climb on the bed with the appropriate footwear.

Jam + flax seeds = A BIG MESS

I don't have a "before" picture of this disaster, and if I did I don't think I would share it, but suffice it to say that Grace went directly from the car to the bathtub today after daycare. I'm not pointing any fingers, but maybe the cool dude in the kitchen (he really is cool) and the teachers (also super cool) could coordinate when planning the day's afternoon snack and afternoon activity. I don't think there was much real estate on her clothes or body that didn't have flax seeds stuck firmly to dried jam, or just sticky jam. The horror. Above is the "after" picture.

Bed head

Seriously.

Sick. Again.

She doesn't seem to mind, and at least she's learned to blow her nose. John and I are so jacked up on Airborne, we're a little spastic.


This one, too. She won't eat anything. Not dog food, anyway. I'm sure she'd scarf down cat poo or a decomposing squirrel in a heartbeat.

Giving thanks

To the cow, potatoes, green beans and grapes that gave their lives for our little feast, thank you. Oh, and to the pumpkin and whatever is in pie crust. (Apologies to our vegetarian friends.)


Grace was thankful that her Uncle Eddie played with her all night and shared his pie with her.

Just in time for winter!

Grace's Aunt Terry gave her a pair of Levi's for Christmas, or her second birthday, or whatever, and I've been waiting forever for her to grow into them. I'm not sure why this seems like a rite of passage to me, but yippee!

Sad pooch

Okay, this is a bit of a rip-off from yesterday's Dooce.com, but Brady had a bad weekend, too. No dog park because of all the rain, rain, rain. And we keep paying so much attention to The Other One.

Flower power

After a day of taking care of the rugrat so that I could write uninterrupted, John fixed us a lovely dinner that included this work of art. I'm not sure Grace appreciated the aesthetic appeal, and she definitely didn't like the beets, but she loved the peas once we popped them out of their pods and made them go splink! splink! splink! on her plate.

Deep thoughts

Is she contemplating the inexorability of global warming? Maybe puzzling over how best to extricate ourselves from Iraq? Or asking herself for the umpteenth time, BARACK OR HILLARY?


She's probably just wondering why I put cherries instead of crackers in her snack trap. She did ask for crackers.

Reunited and it feels so good!

When Grace hasn't seen Sandi in a while, she hugs her forever with this big grin on her face. Sandi looks like she doesn't mind too much.

Nothing says "I love you" like a new pair of shoes.

These were my peace offering after the tutu incident. NOW she looks like a Portlander, no?

She's still our baby!

Grace suddenly has a renewed interest in her Moses basket. She even curls up and pretends to snore.

BOO!

Okay, so I made our little tomboy go out dressed as a ballerina.


I tried to apologize later, but she was all, "Tell it to the tutu, 'cuz I'm not listening!"

Day 35 of The Virus

There's really no point in fighting the lure of Elmo's World.

A good night's sleep?

Grace isn't challenging any Terrible Two stereotypes, but I can handle the belligerance, the tantrums and even her shrieking "Noooooooooo!" to every question I ask, like, "Would you rather have chili or soup for dinner?" (You see, they tell you to give kids a choice to foster a sense of control over their lives, even though we know better.) If she wants to act so immature, that's her prerogative. But I wasn't prepared for the fact that once she was two and started spending more time in public and around other kids, our entire family would be sick ALL THE TIME. It's bad enough to hear your child hoarse from coughing, but the last two nights have been heartbreaking. She coughs and then cries or moans as if she's in terrible pain. We went to the doctor when her coughing started disrupting her sleep a few weeks ago, and she's been through one round of antibiotics, which she thought were delicious. She was healthy for about three days, and now we're back where we started, with the added element of knowing it hurts when she coughs. Poor little bug.


Even Brady's been sick, probably because in the last month or so she has been attacked by a pit bull, eaten a dead bird, a sea shell and a crayon. The dog bite wasn't her fault, and we dutifully gave her a round of antibiotics at the same time Grace was taking them (not the same antibiotics). But it cost us thousands of dollars to keeep her alive after her last "dietary indiscretion," so I'm thinking this time she'll have to have flames shooting out her butt before we take her to the vet again.

Water baby

I honestly think she would stay in the bath until she fell asleep if I let her.

It's raining...

...it's pouring. Oh, wait, we live in Portland.

She REALLY loves these shorts.

All summer she wanted to wear red velvet pants. Now that it's chilly, the first words out of her mouth in the morning (right after "Mommy, get UP!") are "Shorts? Green shorts?" If they are unavailable because they are being washed (the horror), she wakes from her nap and asks, "Shorts in washer? Shorts dry?" What do I do when she outgrows these magic shorts?

Sleeping dogs

Sometimes it's just too hard to resist.

What not to wear

Working around her obsession with these shorts. Cut me some slack.

Grandma's birthday: yard

She's a natural.


"You see, the fuel goes here..."

Grandma's birthday: beach

Check THIS out!


Just a pretty picture. Thanks, Grandma!

Big girl

Don't get too comfortable on barstools. We've got it all figured out: home schooling, an arranged marriage and living with us so you can care for us in our old age. Hey, we've changed YOUR diapers for two years.

What the...?

Our little girl LOVES the water. Bathtub, swimming pool, puddles. The ocean just blows her mind.

Gabba, Gabba, Gabba

There's nothing quite like a snuggle with Grandma. I mean Gabba.

Second fiddle

We still love our dog, Brady. She's gotten a major demotion, but we hope she'll grow to love The Other One.

Budding artist?

There's a slight chance that I'm biased, but this is her FIRST painting. The colors, the composition... I mean, I think it's really good!

This is SUCH a quick read!

Picture books are so last week. (Video of this hilarious moment below)

Daddy's girl

This pretty much says it all.

San Diego totally rocks, dude!

Grace actually stood up and danced for the mariachi.


Ah, yes, THIS is the life. I really needed a vacation!


Grace would have been perfectly happy to play with her cousin Eddy the entire trip. He was incredibly patient, but already has a girlfriend.


Aunt Terry was a big hit, too. She has a little experience with kids, I think.


Some guy offered to shoot the whole gang. (With the camera.) People are so NICE here! Maybe because the weather is perfect EVERY SINGLE DAY. Tina, being a local, knows this and is smart enough to wear sunglasses.


Last day. Compare this one to... (see below)


...this one! That's my mom and me on my second birthday. Note the orange gingham dress. Sadly, I didn't have a matching outfit for the recent picture, since I don't sew Grace's clothes, or mine.

The new do

Grace loves her haircut. And who knew she'd have all those curls?

Can someone bring me a latte?

Grace got her first real haircut (other than bang trims) and stood there looking like a supermodel who was SO bored by having to go through hair and makeup every day.

Kickin' it

Naturally, we feared the worst -- that Grace's feet would take after John's rather than mine. They were pretty weird looking at first, but they seem to be getting prettier as time goes on. It's a good thing, because if Gracie loves shoes as much as I do, she won't want her feet to look anything like her dad's!

Blind date

In an attempt to embarrass Julie at her bachelorette party, I stole an idea from my friend Ella and brought along a six foot inflated penis. (A little backstory is in order here: I had to call party favor stores, novelty shops and, finally, sex toy boutiques and ask, "Do you sell big inflatable penises?" The good people at Spartacus were able to accommodate me, and since they were so near John's office, I asked them to set one aside for John to pick up. Naturally, John walked into the store and said, "I understand you're holding a penis for me?") Then came the inflating bit, which John gamely took on while I tried to get pretty. I found him in the guest room, blowing into this tiny hole, dripping sweat onto the penis. (I admit, I took no small amount of pleasure from this.) We finally inflated the fella, and off I went. Then there was the matter of the restaurant manager's request that, since it was a family restaurant, I try to be discreet. She was cool about the whole thing, but how does one exercise discretion while carrying a giant penis down Broadway into a restaurant? I went with the trench coat. I was embarrassed; Julie was NOT, nor were her mother or her grandmother. Everyone in the restaurant got a laugh, and the manager on duty insisted we all pose for a picture in the lobby on our way out.

EVERYBODY HAS THEM

One day we were at the park and as I looked around the playground I realized that EVERY CHILD BUT GRACE was wearing Crocs. I can't say that I see the appeal, but the situation was obviously unacceptable and immediately corrected. She dug them, and they turned out to be pretty practical.

Shower of awesomeness

Grace's godmother, Julie, got married this summer. We had a bridal shower at the new house to, you know, break it in.


Also, I'm quite fond of her.


Julie and I chose a ginger cosmopolitan we dubbed the "Till Death Do You Partini." I think most of us were buzzed within half an hour.


I finally got to meet some of Julie's friends I've heard about for years...


...and spend some time with my girls...


...and Todd.


Only problem was, it was so hard to tell if Julie was enjoying herself.